i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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