Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
