Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
