Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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