I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
