Having a random hookup so left but love u
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
