even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
