and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
