In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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