hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
