I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
and she was petting her beer can
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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