What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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