You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
