That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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