New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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