drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
