Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
