Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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