I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
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Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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