Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
