The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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