I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Are these your boobs on my camera?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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