You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
he just fucked me for my cheese..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
