How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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