he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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