Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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