New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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