so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
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I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
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Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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