We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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