So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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