I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
