She said her name was "party"
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
