I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
