I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
