The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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