OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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