You can't special order awesome
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
