i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize