Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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