Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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