I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
