I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
