I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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