just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
