I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
the liver wants what the liver wants
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
