i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
