ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
