We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
