Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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