come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
