I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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