When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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