Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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