there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
