I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
