Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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