Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
