i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
