just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
