lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
