i think my tv is drunk
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
