It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
