when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize