watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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