I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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