Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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