I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My brain says no but my pants say off.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
