yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
