Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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