btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
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Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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