im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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