I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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