Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
