it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
