I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
