Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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